Body Tension
When “Just Relax” Doesn’t Work: Neurodivergent Traits (ADHD / ASD) and Persistent Body Tension
Key Takeaways
- Common experiences
- “Being told to relax only makes me tense up more,” “My shoulders are always raised and my breath stays shallow,” “I clench my jaw in my sleep and wake up exhausted.”
- Why it happens
- Heightened sensitivity to sound, light, touch, or internal body signals can keep the nervous system on alert. Difficulty relaxing is not a lack of effort or willpower.
- Rooton’s approach
- Sudden or forceful pressure makes a guarded body brace harder. We use clear, gentle input that signals safety, while restoring rib-cage and breathing mobility.
1. When Being Told to “Relax” Makes You Freeze Up Even More
“At massage shops, I’m always told ‘please relax your shoulders,’ but I don’t know how.”
“I clench my teeth in my sleep and wake up with a tired jaw and stiff neck.”
“Background noise and bright lights leave my whole body feeling wired and taut.”
In practice, I often hear these concerns from clients with ADHD or ASD (autism spectrum) traits. People around you may say “just take it easy,” but persistent muscle tone is neither a mindset flaw nor a lack of trying.
2. I Share These Traits Myself
I have ASD and ADHD traits myself. So the frustration of being told to “just relax” when your body doesn’t know how—and the way overly strong or sudden pressure makes your muscles reflexively guard—is something I understand firsthand.
Never forcing with heavy pressure, watching how your body responds moment by moment, and choosing the level of input together—my own experience shaped every part of how I work at Rooton.
3. What I Frequently Notice in Sessions
Many clients with these traits carry constant tightness at the base of the skull, along the upper back, and around the jaw, and have trouble exhaling fully. Even when they feel they are resting, their body remains braced.
That is why at Rooton, we start by asking about anything you dislike—such as joint-popping sounds, sudden movements, or areas you prefer not to have touched—and adjust our pace accordingly.
4. Three Reasons the Body Stays Braced
1. Sensory sensitivity and protective guarding
Especially with ASD traits, sensitivity to sound, light, touch, and internal bodily sensations can keep the nervous system in a state of quiet readiness, making it hard for muscles to switch off.
2. Proprioception (sensing where your body is in space)
When it is harder to sense joint position effortlessly (proprioception), the body often stiffens the shoulders, back, or legs to create a feeling of stability.
3. Shallow breathing
Ongoing alertness makes breathing shallow and rapid, recruiting neck and shoulder muscles to assist with ~20,000 breaths a day—so rubbing the shoulders alone rarely lasts.
5. Why Deep Pressure or Sudden Twisting Often Backfires
When a body that is already on guard receives painful deep-tissue pressure or a sudden joint twist without preparation, it interprets the input as a threat and braces even harder. What helps instead is gentle, predictable input that tells the nervous system, “This is safe.”
6. How We Work at Rooton
- Clarifying body awareness: Balancing spinal and joint motion helps your body feel stably supported without having to brace.
- Freeing the breath and rib cage: Gently releasing tension across the abdomen, chest, and front of the neck in rhythm with your exhale.
- Releasing before adjusting: We always soften myofascial tension first and never twist a guarded joint abruptly.
- Choosing the input together: If you dislike cracking sounds or sudden motion, we can use gentle instruments such as the Activator.
7. 1-Minute Grounding Self-Care: Feeling the Soles of Your Feet
1-Minute Self-Care
1. Sit well back in a chair and place the soles of both feet flat on the floor (shoes off if possible).
2. Notice your weight resting evenly across three points on each foot: the heel, the base of the big toe, and the base of the little toe.
3. While feeling the floor beneath your feet, exhale slowly and completely through your mouth. Repeat for several breaths.
*Bringing your attention down to your feet helps excess tension drain from your neck and shoulders.
8. A Note from Mr. Sugiyama
If you have blamed yourself for not being able to relax on command, please know that your body is simply working hard to protect you. Let’s find the pace and type of care that feels genuinely comfortable for your nervous system.
